This week CNN reported that the new version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders—the DSM, the bible for mental-health professionals—will no longer contain narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism will now be considered a trait, not a personality disorder. That’s a little like saying “homicidal tendencies” are more a characteristic than an actual flaw.
Narcissistic personality disorder was first defined in 1967 by the august body that will now disown it. Previously the DSM-IV defined the essential feature of narcissism as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy that begins in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts.”
True narcissism differs from arrogance, self-absorption, or cockiness—although most narcissists embody all three. The glaring distinction involves the narcissists’ lack of empathy. Not only can they not put themselves in another’s shoes, they don’t care to try.
So while I disagree with the learned folks who make decisions on behalf of the DMS, I do think they did the right thing by removing it from their manual for diagnosis. Why? It can’t be cured, chiefly because those who have it don’t seek help. Why should they? After all, they aren’t the problem.
Amazon offers several books for coping with narcissists. These should be banned. The one and only way to cope with a narcissist is to get away from him or her.
Let’s get down to business. I have frequently said that when it comes to hiring, your worst nightmare is a smart sociopath. (Your second is an idiot with initiative). You can’t coach narcissism out of a person—I’ve tried. They’re often the most productive, the smartest, and the most talented. But they cause destruction in almost the same way that carbon dioxide does. You often can’t identify narcissism immediately because the smart ones have learned to cover their tracks, but sooner or later, their profound disregard for others will surface.
The problem is most successful people have a healthy degree of confidence and independence. Throughout history we have seen examples of great leaders who saw themselves as different and not subject to all the normal rules and regulations. These people can be infuriating; they wield power disproportionately; and they make demands too often. They can be short-tempered, but they don’t abandon their consciences or souls. They make tough decisions, often to send people into harm’s way. However, the great ones never lose the ability empathize with those they lead. They can have some narcissitic tendencies, but they wouldn’t qualify for a diagnosis of “personality disorder.” Apparently now, no one can qualify.
Trait or disorder? Doesn’t matter what you call it. When you detect narcissism, get away—far away.
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An instructor once explained narcissistic personality disorder to me this way: it’s a person who is sitting inside an eggshell that is full of cracks and is extremely fragile–and the inside of the shell is covered with mirrors. They are all about themselves and if those mirrors were gone, they’d fall apart. Do we really want someone like that in charge of ANYTHING?